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Grief & Loss - Personal Perspective |
When
Your World Falls Apart
By Nancy Behrmann
How do I help someone whose world, as they knew it, has just
fallen apart? Three years ago I would have no idea how to
answer that. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how
you look at it, I have some idea now.
My perfect little world had some major altercations on June
2, 2004. That was the day I found out that Cooper, my baby
boy, had congenital Pulmonary Lymphogiectasia. Two days later
he died in my arms, exactly one month old.
My heart had been on an emotional roller coaster and instead
of making it through the storm as a stronger, more learned
person, I was defeated. Death had won. I would never get to
nurse my baby and watch him grow up. All the positive thoughts
and prayers were not enough to save my boy.
I know that just as every person is different, every person
grieves in their own way as well. These “words of wisdom”
I am about to impart on you are merely some of the things
that really helped me out.
- Telling Others
- My close friend called a whole bunch of our friends
to let them know the bad news. This saved us from having
to retell the story to everyone.
- Planning a Ceremony
- She also helped us plan a ceremony in remembrance
of Cooper’s life and death. Not being extremely
religious people, we did not know where to turn for
ideas. Our simple tree planting ceremony was perfect.
- Support Groups
- The national organization, SHARE, (www.nationalshareoffice.com)
is a support group for pregnancy and infant loss which
provides useful information and contacts for local discussion
groups. I never made it in to Portland for the nearest
local chapter but have heard that the meetings are helpful.
- Sharing
- Talking with people who have experienced the same
type of loss helped me get things in perspective. Yoga
and talking to an insightful counselor helped as well.
I wish these “words of wisdom” were more concrete.
It would be nice to have a recipe to follow to help someone
through this difficult time. All I know is that my friends
and family were there whether physically or emotionally, they
gave me space to try and figure things out without being judgmental.
I found this website helpful: How
To Help Grieving People
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